Marriage and Mountain Biking

Susan Preiss (husband Hans) said, “Outdoor adventure, and mountain biking in particular, is our favorite date. The experiences – and some adversities – that we’ve shared on the trail have served us well by showing us how to live in the moment, enjoy life, tackle challenges, and cheer each other on.”

Doug Edmundson (wife Kim) felt the same. “Mountain biking plays a huge role in our married life.  Though we can’t always ride together, we do form family trips around races and exploring new trails. For example, Kim has driven support for me around the White Rim and this past April, I returned the favor – with kids in cars seats bouncing all around the White Rim. Good times.  There are many benefits.  Road trip adventures keep us connected with a shared passion.  Mountain biking helps lower stress.  Even cleaning bikes together is quality time, though Kim’s toothbrush goes a bit far…”

James Huang (wife Melanie): “I used to think that it didn’t matter much if my partner also rode bikes, but it has definitely added a lot to our relationship, especially in the earlier years. We rode together a lot, took a lot of fun camping trips to different riding spots, etc. It’s also occasionally made buying presents a little easier.”

We all have good and bad days on the bike, and when you add in additional challenges like differences in riding ability, bad weather or getting lost, it can lead to conflicts between couples. Luckily, working through those can be beneficial for relationships as whole.

Heather Cappon (with husband Kevin) offered a good example. “When we first started out it felt like we were fighting more than biking! I was never very active growing up, so this new life where I struggle and get out of breath was very frustrating for me. I was not a very good biker, and I complained A LOT. Our patience with each other was very thin, and we bickered out on the trail a lot. This went on for a few years, and it all came to a head one day while down in Arizona. We were out on the trail and I told Kevin that if we didn’t stop the arguing I was going to sell my bike and stop riding altogether. We had a great conversation about how we needed to start communicating and what I needed from him to succeed at this sport. We both agreed to make some compromises. Since that talk back in Arizona we have had the best time on the trail together!”

Kevin explained, “It was hard for me to understand that things would be so difficult for Heather. As a kid running through the Arizona deserts and having spent so much time on a bike, the skills needed for mountain biking were kind of just ingrained in me. Because of that it caused a lot of tension between us on the trail. It took me a while to realize I was the reason she wasn’t having as much fun as she could because although I didn’t realize it, I was putting unnecessary pressure on her. After a really bad ride and talking about the elephant on the trail we both worked on our communication and we haven’t looked back.”

Once couples work through those challenges, things can shift to a different level. “Perhaps the biggest challenge is deciding who is due for a new bike first,” Susan said.

Life can get in the way of riding for everyone, but even more so for a couple trying to make time to ride together. Add in children and pets, and sometimes riding apart becomes a solution to keep both people riding.

Melanie said, “We do a lot of riding on our own or with friends so one of us is home with our daughter Emery. But when we do get out and ride, it’s really nice and relaxing. We both have our own strengths, but overall we keep up with each other and have a lot of fun. My focus has been less about uphill speed and more about building up my skills to do bigger drops and techier lines on the descents. James is always great to follow because he’s a confident rider, and I trust his lines and speed going into unknown areas. I’ve learned a lot from him over the years. Both of us being mountain bikers also makes booking summer trips very easy.”

James added: “Things definitely got more complicated after we started a family, so these days, we don’t actually get to ride together very much anymore. But when we do, it’s especially good. I’m extremely lucky in that I can legitimately justify a decent amount of riding during my work days, and even though most of that happens on drop-bar bikes, it’s still saddle time I get that Melanie doesn’t. So she often gets the big rides on weekends to try to catch up. Her riding schedule often is forced to revolve around my work travel, too, so I generally never object if she want to take a prime time slot on a weekend or evening. The fact of the matter is that we’re both happier when we both get to ride so it’s better to share the love.”

For Doug, “I generally ride to work when possible and often get Saturdays. Meanwhile Kim gets some time when the kids are in school, or rides with them to school. From time to time we also use a sitter or we do family rides. At first the family rides involved a Burley, but now the kids are pedaling all on their own.”

So what happens if you’re the main rider in the relationship? These couples offered some valuable advice for someone bringing their significant other into the sport.

Kevin said: “Make sure to put her riding experience over yours. Also, make sure her bikes are as good or better than yours. If you want her to love biking as much as you do, convince her she deserves to have expensive bikes too. I’ll ride anything and be happy because I already love riding, and even though I’m a bike geek, I’d rather Heather’s bikes be nicer if it means we get to enjoy riding together.”

Heather added: “I would say to ease into it. Maybe have your partner rent a bike and get a feel for the sport before fully committing. It’ll also be easier if you both have friends to bike with. Some of my favorite moments are with my husband, but also with my best friend! Kevin and I bike a lot with our two best friends and it’s such a fun group activity.”

Susan said, “Be patient and build your partner’s skills and confidence gradually. Sometimes it’s easy to forget how hard this sport is when you are beginner. We all have scars from those years.”

Melanie: “Never take your significant other to Kenosha pass after they’re just getting their feet wet in the mountain biking world and then drop them so you can jockey up front with your friends for two hours all the way up to Georgia Pass, leaving your SO behind for the entire ride. (Luckily, she’s not talking about James here!) All kidding aside, it has to be fun in the beginning. Whether it’s cruising along some easy singletrack along a river, or doing lift service at a local resort. Everyone needs to find their strength in the sport and that can take time. I would encourage SOs to find their people; their tribe. I feel like a large part of my own confidence-building on the bike has been with my crew of people that I ride with. We push each other, sometimes way out of our comfort zone, encourage each other on the techy stuff, and then laugh our faces off at some random off-color joke. At the end of all of my rides, I’m inspired to be a better rider.”

Best of all, riding with the love of your life is always going to result in some great stories.
Kevin: “There’s one memory that has always stood out to me. I was jokingly pestering Heather a little about something and she ended up getting just enough annoyed at me that she took off and rode through something she didn’t want to try and surprised us both. If she’s just the right amount of pissed off at me, she’s daring and attacks the trail which is amazing to watch. That’s a very fine line to hit though.”

Melanie: “We went to Finale Ligure, Italy for our honeymoon. This place is magic — we found ourselves climbing through old abandoned olive groves and outdoor cafes, resting at the top to enjoy the panoramic views of the Ligurian Sea, then plummeting down steep, rocky terrain that meandered through ancient walking trails and old Roman caves in the forest. Best of all the little piazza in Finale Ligure has quaint little restaurants and gelato! It was our best mountain bike vacation together to date and just talking about it makes me want to go back. I remember we drove to Florence for a few days but couldn’t wait to get back to the smaller town of Finale to ride again!”

James: “One of our first riding trips was out in Moab. We set out to explore the Pritchett Arches area, and got horribly, horribly lost. We were out for hours, were pretty far from where we wanted to be by the time we figured out where we needed to go, it was blazing hot and super sunny, and had totally run out of food and water. But we weren’t in danger (yet!) and it seemed like we both made a point of keeping it together. In the end, we ran into a bunch of Jeepers on our way out who happily donated some bottles of water when we told them about our day, and they were so cold that we couldn’t even drink them right away. I still remember the brand — Dasani! When all was said and done, we still had a fun day, and one that we both still remember fondly. And we also figured that if we still enjoyed each other’s company after something like that, so early on in our relationship, chances were good it might develop into something more. Happy to say that was more than 13 years ago now, and I’m sure we’ve got plenty of wonderful adventures yet to come, both on and off the bike.”